On Vacation

On Vacation – Be Back Soon

Sorry

I had really wanted to finish the Whorelando phiction before I left for the US.  It just isn’t going to happen.  I’m sorry.  I’ll try to finish it for the New Year.

The Baby – aged 4 weeks and 6 days

I went to visit with Cara today.  She is 4 weeks and 6 days old.  It was my last visit before I go overseas (on Thursday!!).  The next time I see her she will be 10 weeks old and I will be bringing her home with me (after handing over a fistful of cold, hard cash).

She’s sooooo big!  Okay, well, really she’s little.  But in comparison to when I first saw her she’s grown so much.  Her eyes are open, she actually looks like a pug now and she and her brothers and sisters are running all over the place, tripping over their own feet and each other.  It was hilarious to watch them. 

Tony (who owns Cara’s mum) has been calling her Cara for the last couple of weeks and today when I called her she actually responded.  At least until something else more exciting caught her attention.  I can’t wait to bring her home.

Here’s the lastest photos of my baby

This is the best photo I took today. She actually stopped wriggling for 5 seconds!

Me holding my baby! My hands aren't very big so you can sort of get an idea about her size.

My sister holding Cara (I guess this makes Cara her niece??). She's got one eye closed so I'm going to say she's winking at the camera. (At least she's not blowing a kiss. And she's got wrinkles, not dimples )

Isn’t she just beautiful??

 

 

 

I’ve got some bad news Miranda…

On Thursday night a young woman by the name of Katherine Keating attended a Halloween party in Sydney which was hosted by Absolut Vodka.  She was dressed as Any Winehouse.  And she seemed to be channelling Amy’s attitude as well.

Now, I don’t expect anyone to know who Katherine Keating is.  But here in Australia she has a very minor celebrity status.  I don’t really know what she does for a living.  But her dad is former Australian Prime Minister, Paul Keating.

At this Halloween party, a photograph was taken of Katherine for the Sunday Telegraph’s social pages.  Katherine lost her temper with the photographer, grabbing her arm and threatening to throw her down the stairs.

“That’s an illegal photo – you have to delete it,” she said.

“Do you want me to throw you down the stairs and kill you?

“I’m going to make your life a living hell if you don’t delete it, and you will regret  it forever.”

As the photographer turned away, Katherine kicked her in the shins.

Here’s the full article just so you can see I’m not making this up.

Katherine has been a bit of a regular on the social scene over the last 10 years.  And in the past few months she’s been happy as a clam to pose for photos at other social events.

Here’s where it starts to get more intersting.  And here’s where Miranda might end up with egg on her face.

After the story about his daughter broke, former Prime Minister Paul Keating issued a statement suggesting that privacy laws in Australia should be changed so that media organisations would have to gain a person’s permission before publishing a photograph or a story deemed to involve their private life.

All well and good.

Except for Australia’s favourite supermodel.  Everytime she is interviewed, Miranda Kerr cannot help but open her big, fat, trap and comment about her truly loving relationship with Orlando Bloom, even though she proclaims to be a private person who doesn’t like to talk about her private life.  And they appear together regularly in photographs.  And whether he’s in the photos with her or she’s by herself, she still seems to be referred to mainly as Orlando Bloom’s girlfriend (or more recently, my most favourite yet, the place where Orlando Bloom parks his penis).  So technically just about everything that is printed (articles or photos) about Miranda Kerr is alluding to her private life.

Which means, of course, that should these new laws be passed, Miranda would have to give permission to the media to print articles and photos of herself.  This in turn would shatter the image she has tried to build for herself as an honest, down to earth, country girl who is fiercely protective of her privacy.

But it also puts her in a quandry.  Because if she doesn’t give her permission in order to maintain the allusion of privacy, then there’ll be no more articles on Miranda in Australia.  No more photos of her either. 

Oh my God!  No more papp set ups in Australia, no more publicity!  It would just about kill her if the Australian media didn’t fawn all over her like she’s some sort of superstar.

I’ll leave you with the “immortalised in writing” words of commenter James from Sydney….

Pass the law now so as we can stop being bombarded by pictures of so called “celebrities”. I try to avoid seeing them but every time you turn on the telly, pick up the paper or purchase a piece of news related literature you have these people staring back at you banging on about one thing or another. Most of them are extremely dull and the balance are dim witted.

I just can’t decide if Miranda Kerr is extremely dull or dimwitted

Here We Go Again – Leaving Russia and Coming to America (31)

 After an excitement filled day of sight seeing and test driving Land Rovers, the Whorely Trinitas,Whorely and their companions are pleased to be booked in to the Red Square Baltschug Restaurant for a quiet evening meal.

The Restaurant faces their 5 star hotel and also has sweeping views of the Moskva River.  Joders finds the view of the water relaxing.  In fact, tonight she is feeling the most relaxed she has been since before saving Whorelando on Halloween nearly three weeks ago.  But she knows this relaxed state will not last long.  She and the other two thirds of the Whorely Trinitas have to get Whorelando back into the United States and come up with a way of keeping him away from the dingHo.  Permanently.

Joders peruses the menu but has no clue what any of the meals actually are since the menu is all in Russian.  All she knows is that the cuisine centres around European and local Russian bounty.  For all she knows she could be ordering Russian Squirrel.

Joders:  I have no clue what any of these meals are.  Viggo can you order for me please?  And I don’t want to know what it is, especially after I’ve started eating it.  Don’t go telling me I’ve just eaten tongue or brain or quail or something when I’ve emptied my plate.

Viggo:  (laughing)  I wouldn’t do that to you, Joders.

Joders:  (looking at him suspiciously)  Just order me a vegetarian meal.  No meat.  I’m not taking any chances.

While the group waits for their meals, Joders orders 2 bottles of Flagship Flagman Vodka plus an assortment of Novskoye and Baltika Russian Beers.  The alcohol sits on the table with the carafes of water and jugs of soda.

Joders sips on her vodka and watches her companions as they chat happily amongst themselves.  In the morning when she returns to the US with Daners, Anners, Wanda and Whorely, the rest of the group will return to their respective homes.  Joders will be sad to see everyone go their separate ways, but should she need their help again, she knows she can count on her friends.

My Secret Revealed….

Wait no longer.  I am revealing my secret.

It’s monumental.  Set to change my life as I know it.

Are you ready?  Sitting down?  Holding your breath in anticipation?

Okay, here goes….

I’m having a baby.

Yep.  That’s right.  I’m gearing up to hear the pitter patter of little feet.

Want to see a photo of her?  Oh, I forgot to mention.  I’m having a girl!

I Have a Secret….

but I can’t tell you what it is just yet.

 

Stay tuned.

America! ARE. YOU. READY??!!

42 days

Let’s Play Spot the Differences – JT and JB v’s Orly and the DingHo

Here we have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel looking desperately in love with each other.

And here we have Orly and his pet dingHo, errr, ummm, his ummmm, ohhh, his….. how about the thing that calls itself his girlphriend looking desperately in love with each other.  Or something.

So, the differences? 

Somebody? 

Anybody? 

Help me out here, guys?

I mean, I can see the similarities.  Both girls have spotted the paparazzi who have turned up at the pre-arranged time and location and they are both looking very happy with themselves for having organised the papp set up.

And both boys look soooo excited to be there.  And they must have their hands jammed in their pockets so they won’t be tempted to touch their girlphriends up in public.  I mean, they’re both stunning girls.  Every man wants them and every woman wants to be them.  Those blokes have got such willpower to stop themselves from ravishing their girls right there on the street.  Orly especially.

Then there’s the rumours that both Jessica Biel and the dingHo are really men.  I think the rumour about the dingHo might be true.  It would explain a lot about Orly really, wouldn’t it?

There has to be at least one difference, surely?

  

Oh!  Hang on!  I know!

Justin and Jessica have ended their sham of a relationship.

In fact if you ask Justin’s Nanna he was never in a relationship with Jessica.  As far as Nanna Timberlake is concerned Justin has been single for a long time, he’s a ladies man and he’s not the marrying type.

Meanwhile Orly and the dingHo continue to tool around the world, pretending to work, pretending to be in luuuurve and pretending to be shocked by the presence of the paparazzi.

Does anyone know how to contact Orly’s Nanna?

Happy Birthday Dear Anners, Happy Birthday to You!

Anners, it’s your birthday today!

To celebrate, I got you a few things.  Let’s start with some flowers I picked for you….