Miranda Kerr’s contract with David Jones is NOT the biggest contract a model can get in Australia

Some delusional commenters over at Just Jared (no, I won’t post the link to that cess pit) are claiming that Miranda Kerr’s David Jones contract is the biggest contract a model can get in Australia.

They need to do some more research.

If my memory serves me correctly, Jennifer Hawkins just signed on for another 4 years with Myer for the sum of $5million.  That makes her contract worth $1.25million per year.

I think Miranda signed on for 3 years for a six figured sum.  Even if she got $999 999 (hahahahaaa, in her dreams!) a year over three years (for the mathematically challenged, that equates to $2 999 997), it still doesn’t beat Jennifer’s income.

If you don’t believe me, get a calculator and do the maths yourself.

Oh, and while I’m at it?  David Jones IS just a local department store.  I live in Australia, I’ve shopped at David Jones.  It’s no big deal.

A Kerr-azy week indeed….

Here’s the link  to a little interview the dingHo gave to her beloved Sunday Telegraph on the weekend.  It’s full of that shite about how relieved she is the fool from Macquarie Bank (who got caught perusing her soft porn pictures) didn’t lose his job.  She didn’t say it in this interview, but I read somewhere that she thinks her latest naked photo spectacular is glamourous and classy (or something like that).

Anyway, I’m more interested in the comments accompanying this interview.  There’s only 8 comments but 5 of them are anti Miranda Kerr.

I figured you all might not want to look at the interview so here is the comments for your enjoyment….

Sylvia Else of Forestville Posted at 12:08 PM February 07, 2010

Why would anyone care what she thinks? What makes it news?

Paul of Wyong Posted at 1:32 PM February 07, 2010

Since when has Miranda Kerr, been on the board of The Maquarie Bank? Say nothing, just STICK to the Catwalk……DOPEY!

Peter Jones of sydney Posted at 1:45 PM February 07, 2010

Miranda, you need to tell your a publicist to take a step back love, yep I think your a cutester and all but there is a thing called over exposure,,, We need to give one a break please.

maximus of Sydney Posted at 2:00 PM February 07, 2010

So the elaborate PR stunt has worked then. Great. Still can’t stand her.

Nosila Herden Posted at 2:21 PM February 07, 2010

Argh!!!!! enough of Miranda Kerr please. Shes a lingerie model, not someone who is working towards world peace or curing illnesses. I thought a newspaper was meant to reporting on newsworth items.

I’m so pleased to see that Australia loves its supa dupa stewpa moddul.

Lost something Orly?

It’s alright love.  Your oui oui is still there.  I promise.  This is what happens when you submerge yourself in cold water.  It’s called shrinkage.  It’s perfectly normal.

Unfortunately your balls are another question altogether.  I hear scrotum skin makes a particularly nice handbag.

I told you Victoria’s Secret is that the models are men….

According to a survey conducted by healthystrokes.com in late 2007  males aged 20-29 masturbate 6.8 times a week, male buddhists masturbate 6.83 times a week and 54% of men masturbate in public places.  Like the woods (pardon the pun) for instance….

Buddhist men aged 20-29 wank 6.83 times a week and half of them do it outside. Her, ummm, his? Errmmm, it's hand is between it's legs. What do you suppose it's doing??

Still not convinced?

Here, how about this then?

Miranda Kerr’s next modelling gig revealed (NSFW)

Miranda Kerr’s next job (after her upcoming DJ’s Australian tour) will be in Sydney on 1 March 2010.

US photographer Spencer Tunick has commissioned her to pose on the steps of the Sydney Opera House.  Naked.  Surprise, surprise!

Mr Tunick put out a call for anyone who would be willing to pose in the nude for his next installation – and was immediately besieged with calls from Miranda’s management team desperate to clinch another job for her so she doesn’t fade into modelling oblivion.  She’s not getting any younger, you know.  And it’s really hard to get High Fashion gigs when she’s so busy with Victoria’s Secret.

Tunick, who is famous for his nude photo shoots, has created close to 100 installations around the world with nude people standing on mountaintops, around buildings and in public squares in the name of art.

People posing naked in the name of art.  Sound right up Miranda’s alley.  So to speak.

I mean, she did the Pirelli calendar in the name of art.

And she’s recently done GQ in the name of art.

And she got naked here for an unknown photographer for an unknown shoot in July last year.  I’m still waiting for more details on the shoot (they promised in the little article with the photos to tell as more as further details of the shoot came to light!), so I’m gonna say she got naked for art because the photos look all arty farty.

And she got naked for art, ermmm, sorry, for the koalas last year as well.

Aaaaaand, that isn’t even half of all the times her clothes have (accidently I’m sure) fallen off when there was a photographer in the general vicinity.

What I’m saying is, she’s done more naked stuff in the last (at least) 12 months than she’s done clothed stuff.  So if Spencer Tunick needs someone who doesn’t mind flashing their bits for no apparent reason, Miranda’s his girl.

It was 107.6 degrees farenheit here today

And by God, it was hot as hell!

I mean, shit, 107.6 is more like a radio frequency band than a temperature.  It might be summer here and it’s supposed to be hot, but I don’t have to like it.

And now the southerly is so strong I’m worried my house is going to take flight like Dorothy’s house in The Wizard of Oz.  I am from Oz, after all.

Now I just need to find a wicked witch to land the house on in the event it gets blown away.

Hang on, wasn’t Moronduuhhh wearing stripey stockings in that Vogue photo shoot??

A Meeting with Miranda

I’m sooooo jellus!  This bloke got to meet Miranda Kerr, the most stunning supermodel working today.  Seems she’s lost a little bit of weight though…

Not that I’ve ever watched For the Love of Ray J, but…

Flossy got kicked off!  Bwahahahaha!

Luscious quit!  Apparently Ray J’s friends kept on chanting “she smashed the homies” and Ray J wouldn’t stop them.

Hahaha.  She smashed the homey.  That was a really funny episode.  Not that I’ve ever watched For the Love of Ray J.

Only Mz Berry and Platinum are left.

OMG!  Who will he choose???

So. Tell me this, Miranda….

I suppose these photos were also taken at an angle and you were hunched over in an extreme pose that makes you look thinner than you are.  Right?

And you’ve been the same weight for the last three or four years, too?

I know it’s not Christmas anymore, but pull the other one, love.  It plays Jingle Bells.

Miranda’s coming back to Australia. Again. Yaaayyy!

According to Hush, the gossip page of the Sunday Telegraph (3 Jan 10), Moronduuhhh is due back in Australia in February to “strut her stuff” on the catwalk for David Jones’ annual Autumn / Winter Collections launch which is to be held at the Horden (shouldn’t that be Whore – den??) Pavillion on February 10.

This years theme for the show is A Long White Winter (really appropriate since there’s probably only about 6 places in the whole of Australia that actually have white winters).  But I guess DJs is trying to be really clever by using a play on words for the Land of the Long White Cloud – New Zealand’s nickname (and the place where Australia’s very own stupourmodel shot the most recent DJs campaign).

Hush reminds us that Whorelando attended the DJs fashion launch same time last year and wonders given all the ongoing talk of an engagement (if Carlliii could keep her big, phat trap shut for more than 42 seconds at a time, there possibly wouldn’t be all this ongoing talk of an engagement – though I suppose she has to try to keep Moronduuhhh in the public eye somehow), whether Whorely will be front row again this year. 

If DJs coughs up his appearance fee, I’m sure he’ll be front and centre again.  Hell, if the price is right, he might even smile once or twice.  And for a bonus fee he might make a special appearance on the steps of the Sydney Opera House with the stupourmodel.  You know, just to prove to the public how in love he and the super dooper stupourmodel are.  It’s not like he’s got anything else to do.  Like work, for instance.

But here’s a hint for you Carlliii.  Just in case you’re reading this.  The engagement rumours are getting old.  Reeeeeally old.  When the gossip sites and gossip magazines here in Australia start to make fun of the 37th engagement rumour you’ve put out there (bloody tall poppy syndrome, bloody fatjellushaters), even you have to admit it’s time to give up.  Even a pretend engagement with a ring to make it look like it’s real won’t cut it.  It’s like the boy who cried wolf dingHo.  And a wedding won’t cut it either.  Once the has been and the never will be get married, people will care even less about them.  Their fame- whoring career will be even more boring than it is now.

So why don’t you try a blazing argument instead?  Why not a break up?  The Australian public is dumb enough to close ranks around poor, little, innocent, down home, Aussie country girl, Miranda.  Because it’ll all be Orlando’s fault, won’t it?

You’ll get months more mileage out of a few break ups and then some make ups.  I can just see Whorelando rushing  back to Moronduuhhh’s open arms and declaring how distraught he’s been without her.  Maybe she can fling herself into his arms and wrap her skinny little stick legs around his waist when he arrives from a flight from the other side of the world.  The possiblities are endless!

I mean it worked for Kate Bosworth a few years ago, right?