When Anners arrives outside the door of Clay Aiken’s hotel room, she realises she is too late. Wanda is already inside the room and Anners can hear lots of yelling and shouting from inside.
She tries the door but it is jammed shut. She dials Caiters’ Blackberry in the hope that Jennifer can let her in like she let Wanda in.
Jennifer: Hello?
Anners: Jennifer, it’s Anners. You need to unlock the door and let me in.
Jennifer: I can’t. The door is locked and has a chair jammed under the door knob. I’m hiding in the cupboard because the 3 dingo friends don’t know I’m here. They disturbed Wanda when she was trying to untie Ali-ers, Caiters and Janers.
Anners: Phuck! Is Wanda okay?
Jennifer: Wanda is brilliant! She’s swinging her wooden staff around. She’s like Kung Fu Wanda! But she’s fighting 3 girls. It’s not really a fair fight. She needs your help Anners.
Anners: How do I get in?
Jennifer: The french door to the balcony is open. You can get in there and surprise the dingo friends from behind.
Anners: Ok. I’ll be there shortly.
Anners runs back to the elevator, jumps in and hits the button for the third floor. As the doors close realisation dawns on her face.
Anners: Phuckity phuck phuck phuck!! How am I supposed to get to the balcony of the 5th floor from inside the hotel?
The elevator opens at the 3rd floor, Anners gets out and rushes down the hallway to the suite shared by Orly’s Saviours. Just as she is about to go in, she notices Joders about to shoulder ram the door to Whorely’s suite.
Anners: Joders!
Joders: I was just about to shoulder ram the door to Whorely’s suite. What’s wrong? Why aren’t you on the 5th floor Anners?
Anners: The door is locked and a chair is jammed under the door now. Jennifer can’t let me in because she’s hiding in the cupboard and Wanda is single handedly fighting the dingo friends. The only way in to Clay’s suite is via the balcony. I’ve got to….., I have to….., oh phuck, I don’t want to say it. I’ve got to……
Joders: (in a soft voice) You have to climb up to the balcony.
Anners: Yeah. I’m not so good with heights. I feel motion sick just thinking about it.
Joders: You’ll be okay, as long as you don’t look down. Comeon, let’s go.
Anners and Joders enter their suite and walk out onto their balcony. They look up and are able to see the open french doors, the sheer curtains billowing out onto the balcony in the breeze. The balcony is 2 floors up and the 2nd room across from their 3rd floor suite.
Joders: You should probably call up all your weapons now and carry them with you. It’ll give you the element of surprise, not just coming up behind them, but already armed. Let’s see, what should you have? Um wooden staff, switchblade, bow and arrows, ropes, nunchucks, no on second thoughts no nunchucks, they’re illegal in Spain.
Anners: I don’t think now is a good time to be concerned about what’s legal and what’s not.
Anners calls up her weapons and is able to easily store the smaller items. Switchblade in the boot, bow and arrows slung over her back, rope slung over her shoulder. The wooden staff is going to prove to be slightly more difficult to transport.
Joders: Ok, this is it. Just program the Blackberry for balance and you’re set to go.
Anners sets the Blackberry, takes a few deep breaths and climbs up onto the edge of the balcony.
Joders watches in anticipation as Anners leaps to the next balcony and then starts to climb up towards the 4th floor. Anners is just about to hoist herself up to the 5th floor balcony when she fumbles and almost loses her footing.
Anners: Shit!
Joders: Are you okay?
Anners: Yes, but I can’t carry the Blackberry and the wooden staff.
Joders: Let the Blackberry go Anners.
Anners: I can’t!
Joders: You have to let it go. You need the staff to protect yourself and the other girls. Don’t worry about the Blackberry. Let it go.
Anners: If I let it go, I won’t, Whorely won’t….
Joders: Yes he will!
Anners: How? I need the Blackberry to make him. If it’s smashed all over the ground, I’ve got no chance.
Joders: Yes, you have. It will happen Anners!
Anners: (looking at Joders over her shoulder) How do you know?
Joders: I’ll make it happen. Just drop the Blackberry.
Above their heads, there is the sound of smashing furniture and some shouting.
Joders: (desperation in her voice) Please Anners. I promise I’ll make it happen.
Anners: Cross your heart and hope to die promise?
Joders: Well I don’t want to die, but I cross my heart. I promise I’ll do it Anners. For you.
Joders watches with relief as the Blackberry falls end over end towards the ground below and Anners is able to reach the 5th floor. Anners leaps, catlike, onto the next balcony over and disappears in through the open french doors, startling the dingo friends.
Anners: (wielding her staff above her head like a sword) Prepare to meet your maker bytches!
Wanda: What took you so long? I thought you’d never get here!
Anners: I tell you later. Right now we’ve got 3 dingo friends to bring down.
Wanda and Anners fight side by side in hand to hand combat, ducking and weaving, twirling their staffs and throwing in a couple of bytch slaps for good measure but the dingo friends are relentless. It’s almost as if they’re superhuman.
Wanda: (swinging her staff at DF3) Where the hell is Jaded when you need her?
As if by magic, Jaded materialises next to Wanda. She is dressed in a familiar Orly’s Saviour suit and it also wielding a wooden staff.
Jaded: Hi girls.
Anners: Where have you been? We sent a call out for you when we decided to come to Gran Canaria to save Whorely.
Jaded: (flinging a knife in the general direction of DF2) I was too busy having intellectual discussions with some intellectual giants over at JJ. And since Whorely got all fugly I wan’t sure I wanted to help. But then I realised that he can’t help what he’s turned in to. The dingo has made him like he is. So I’ve been waiting for you to call again. I couldn’t get here until one of you said my name. Thanks Wanda. It looks like you two can do with a hand.
Anners, Wanda and Jaded continue fighting against the dingo friends and appear to be getting the upper hand when disaster strikes!
Although the door is firmly locked from outside, the guest from this particular room is full of rage when he can’t get in and with a burst of superhuman strength he smashes through the door and quickly takes in the scene before him.
Clay: Gazooks! What is happening here? Dingo friends, why aren’t the imposters dead?
DF1: They fight dirty Zoot.
Clay: (shaking his head in disgust) Dingo never should have sent girls to do a man’s job.
Clay picks a chair up over his head and prepares to bring it down onto the head of Jaded.
As Clay swings the chair downwards, Afers appears in the doorway dressed in an Orly’s Saviour suit.
Afers: Don’t you dare touch my hos, you phreak!
Clay twists towards Afers and starts to bring the chair down at him instead.
At this instant Jennifer steps out of the cupboard holding an umbrella. It is the only weapon she has been able to find. Afers quickly raises his right hand in the air.
Afers: Baseball bat!
A baseball bat appears in Afers hand and he throws it, spear like to Jennifer.
Afers: Here Jenn, catch!
Jennifer catches the bat in one hand, swings it back and then swings it forward in a wide arc, aiming high.
Clay has been transfixed by Afers arrival and Jennifers’ appearance out of the cupboard. All too late he realises what is about to happen.
Jennifer: Yeah Gaiken, don’t you mess with my hos!
The baseball bat connects with the side of Clay Aiken’s head and he drops to the floor, unconcious.
Anners, Wanda and Jaded are shocked momentarily by this turn of events It is this shock that takes them away from the job at hand for a split second and allows the dingo friends to make an attack on them.
Wanda sees it coming out of the corner of her eye. She raises her right hand in the air.
Wanda: Loaded Gun!
A pistol appears in her hand, she takes aim at DF3 and pulls the trigger. The recoil of the firearm knocks an unsuspecting Wanda off of her feet and she hits the back of her head as she falls, rendering her unconcious.
The bullet however has hit it’s mark. The instant it hits DF3 in the chest, there are electrical sparks and a suspicious burning smell. DF3 falls to the floor, her body jumping around like she’s having a seizure.
Jaded: Holy crap! She’s a robot!
Anners looks towards Wanda who is being tended by Afers and Jennifer and feels the anger rise in her chest.
Anners: (shouting) Now you’ve made me really angry, whores!
Anners reaches into her stiletto boot and pulls out the switchblade. She flicks it open, takes aim and sends the knife sailing end over end straight towards DF1. DF1 watches cross eyed as the knife flies towards her, mesmerised by it’s approach. It hits her straight between the eyes. There is more electrical sparks and crackling and DF1 bursts into flame.
DF2: (to Jaded) Bring it on Elf Girl!
Jaded: You are so going to regret that!
Jaded pulls an arrow out of her quiver, loads it onto the bow and shoots it straight towards DF2 before DF2 even has a chance to move. It hits her in the throat and she meets her demise in the same fashion as DF1 and DF3 before her.
Anners and Jaded survey the chaos around them in stunned silence. Jaded approaches DF1 and nudges her (it?) with the toe of her stiletto boot. More electrical sparks emit from the body, causing Jaded to take a step backwards.
Anners: Are you okay Jaded?
Jaded: Yep. You?
Anners: I think so. I still can’t quite grasp what just happened though.
Behind them Wanda stirs on the floor.
Wanda: Ohhhh, my head. Am I dead? Did I die? Shit, I was supposed to die on the operating table!
Afers: You’re not dead Wanda. You just hit your head is all.
Wanda: Did we kill the dingo friends? Did we win?
Jennifer: The dingo friends are dead Wanda, all three of them. You guys were great! I think I might have killed Clay Aiken.
Jennifer turns her head to regard the sad figure of Clay Aiken laying, still unconcious, on the floor.
Caiters: (silent for the whole of the battle) Can someone untie me please?
Ali-ers: (having just woken up) Me too!
Jaded immediately flicks open a switchblade and cuts the rope around Caiters ankles and wrists and then moves to Ali-ers to do the same.
Jaded: Are you feeling okay guys?
Caiters: Yeah, I feel great! (A confused expression comes across Caiters’ face). Why on earth did I say that? I feel like crap. Why would I say I feel great?
Jennifer approaches Caiters and Jaded and holds out a white cloth.
Jennifer: I saw Clay use it on Janers and it knocked her out.
Jaded takes the cloth from Jennifer and rubs her thumb over it. She raises it to her face and sniffs at it tentatively.
Jaded: Phuck!
Ali-ers: What is it Jaded?
Jaded: The cloth is imbued with the tincture of the blooms of the Orlandosia Blanchardia tree which grows in the jungles of South America. It can render a person unconscious and it can open a person to the power of persuasion.
Afers: Does it have an antidote Jaded?
Jaded: A person affected by the toxins can only be cured by the kiss of someone he or she finds attractive.
Anners: We’ll get Whorely to kiss Caiters and Ali-ers.
Jaded: That won’t work. A person already affected by the toxins can’t be the kisser. And I can bet that Whorely is affected too.
Wanda: Hadn’t we better check on Joders?
Jaded: Where’s Joders?
Anners: We had to leave her to take on the dingo.
Janers: (slurring slightly) Anners?
Anners: Koala Janers, you’re awake! Let me untie you hon.
With her arms free, Janers cuddles Anners.
Janers: I’m so pleased you came to save us. I thought I was gonna die.
Anners: I’d never let you die Janers.
Suddenly a tall, dark haired figure appears in the doorway.
Diego: Janers! Oh Janers, thank goodness you are okay.
Diego rushes to Janers side and unceremoniously shoves Anners to one side.
Diego: Querido, you are okay, yes?
Janers: Yes, um no? I’m not sure.
Anners: (picking herself up from the floor) Guys, we need to get going. We have to go see if Joders needs any help.
Together Orly’s Saviours and the others gather themselves and leave Clay Aiken’s decimated hotel room. Wanda is supported by Jennifer, Caiters by Afers, Janers by Diego, Ali-ers by Anners and Jaded walks behind them.
Behind Jaded the still unconscious figure of Clay Aiken walks awkwardly like a macabre marionette. Jaded has cast a spell on his body to make it easier to transport him from the 5th to the 3rd floor.
Anners looks over her shoulder at Clay.
Anners: Jaded, you’re a little scary sometimes.
Jaded: (smiling) You ain’t seen nothing yet.
The group arrives back at Orly’s Saviours’ hotel suite and crowd into the room. Joders is not there.
Wanda: Where is Joders?
Anners: I don’t know.
Jaded: When did you last see her?
Anners: When I climbed up the balcony to the 5th floor. Then she was going into Whorely’s suite to take down the dingo and save Whorely.
Jaded: Then that’s where she’ll be.
Anners: (voice wavering slightly) I’m worried. What if….
Wanda: Nothing will have happened to her Anners. Joders will be okay.
Jaded: There’s only one way to be sure.
Anners: Jaded, can you stay here and keep on eye on things?
Jaded: Of course I can. I need to be here when Clay wakes up anyway.
Anners: Thank you. (Turning to Wanda) Wanda, will you come with me?
Wanda: I’ll be right by your side.
Anners and Wanda leave the Orly’s Saviour suite and walk down the hallway to the suite shared by Whorely and the dingo.
Anners reaches out, takes the door handle in her hand and turns the handle. The door opens.
What will Anners and Wanda find in Whorely and the dingo’s suite? Will Joders be okay? Has she saved Whorely from the dingo? Or has misfortune befallen the missing Orly’s Saviour?
Watch for the next compelling episode to have these pressing questions answered.
