Orly’s Saviours are soon settled in to their hotel room, having chosen their beds and unpacked.
Joders is pacing the floor holding a jar of vegemite.
Joders: How long can it take for a girl to get dressed? And where the hell is Ali-ers?
Anners opens Ali-ers laptop which is sitting on the dining table. Troy the Directors Cut is paused on nude Orly.
Wanda: Has anyone seen my portable hand held shower?
Ali-ers walks out of the bathroom, holding said hand held shower and looking all glowing like.
Ali-ers: What? What are you looking at?
Anners: Could you be any more transparent?
Ali-ers: I couldn’t help myself. I had to watch something while I was waiting for my turn in the shower. Then I really couldn’t help myself. I needed Wanda’s hand held shower to help me.
Joders: Just be thankful it wasn’t your vibrator, Wanda.
Caiters finally appears out of the 2nd bathroom dressed like a hotel maid.
Caiters: Do I look alright? Do I look like the hired help?
Ali-ers: Hitch your skirt up a bit.
Caiters: Do the maids wear their skirts short, do they?
Ali-ers: No. But you want to give Whorely an eyeful of your legs don’t you?
Caiters pulls her skirt up a good 3 extra inches and Ali-ers gives her the thumbs up.
Caiters: So what do I have to do again?
Joders: Pretend that you’re room service come to collect their dinner dishes and to give the dingo a complimentary jar of vegemite.
Anners: Then when she’s admiring her own reflection in the mirror or the window, stick the listening device under a table or somewhere and get the hell out.
Wanda: Ooooh, stick it under the bedside table in the bedroom!
Anners: Nooo!
Joders: No, please don’t. Some of us still want to believe that he isn’t actually shagging the dingo. I don’t want anyone’s illusions smashed so horribly. Alright Caiters, your trolley is in the hallway. Is your earpiece in?
Caiters touches her fingers to her left ear and nods.
Joders: Go do your stuff.
Down the hallway Caiters pauses outside of Whorely’s hotel room and knocks loudly on the door.
Caiters: Room Service!
The door swings open and the dingo looms large in the doorway.
Dingo: Wee didnit orda room servis.
Caiters: I’ve come to collect your dinner dishes.
Dingo: Sumwun alreddy got them.
Caiters pushes past the dingo. Orly is sitting on the leather couch, looking rather forlorn.
Caiters: Really? Already? Oh, so they have. I’ve got a complimentary jar of vegemite for you though.
Dingo: Howe du u noew I like veggymite?
Caiters: You’re an Australian, right? I recognise your accent. Don’t all Australians like vegemite? Here let me put it on this cute little table with the telephone sitting on it.
Caiters drops the jar on the floor and kneels down to pick it up. She grasps the edge of the table in order to help her get up again and sticks the listening device under the edge of the ornately carved table top.
Caiters: Oh, how clumsy of me. But it’s okay, the jar isn’t broken. I’ll just leave it on the table for you.
Dingo: (eyeing Caiters suspiciously) Ur not spannich.
Caiters: No, I’m not Spanish, I’m American. I’m working my way around Europe during my gap year.
Dingo: (grudgingly) Thancks fore the veggymite.
Caiters: You’re welcome. Enjoy your stay.
Caiters exits Orly’s hotel room and hurries back to the other Orly’s Saviours.
Dingo: Her skirte wuz reely shorte.
Whorely: (supressing a smile) Really darling? I didn’t notice.
Dingo: Gud bhoy Whorelando. Ur gettng sooo gud at thiss. Nhow, y dont wee go tu bedd?
Whorely: (sighing resignedly to his fate) Yes dear.
Scene fades to black.
Come on, you didn’t think you were going to get a gratuitous love scene did you? This is brilliant literature I’m producing here, not pornography.
Same deal as last time. Stay tuned for more brilliant installments.
Filed under: Operation Abduct Orly | Tagged: Whorelando
Hee! vegemite. Thanks for giving me a go at the hand held shower Joders!
omg, this is jus like when daners did that 50 post series about when she met the italian dude overseas!! she kepts up waiting forever for the conclusion (in fact, did we ever get a conclusion to that?! haha)
i lookd up veggemite, buh i still dont know what it is!! can u liken it to anything that u had while u were here in the states joders? as sort of a frame of reference for us americans.
also the “cheesymite scroll” sounds/looks heavenly!!
Hee! I’m very glad Ali-ers didn’t use the vibrator.
Hey, where’s my gun?
Ur not spannich. hahahahah
Wanda – I don’t need your little vibrator. Sheesh – I have a Vibo-Mate 3000! I don’t even know what that is!
I meant to add that Miranduh prolly is racist – seeing as how she thought all maids are Spannich.
I can’t wait for the rest! Also, I want to be able to use a bow and arrow. If Wanda has dibs on a gun I want to be an archer.
U are cracking my shit up!
asdfghjklqwertyuio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Glad I can still keep you all amused. You should know that even if you’re no longer amused, I’m still gonna finish it.
Keep your panties on Wanda. The gun is coming. As is Clay Aiken (oh sorry, that doesn’t sound good does it?).
I’ve got your bow and arrows Ali-ers. Though your Vibo-Mate 3000 sounds far more impressive.
Afers, there’ll probably be 3 – 4 more episodes but I promise there will be a resolution.
As for the vegemite, I can honestly say that there is nothing in the US that can be compared to vegemite. It has an aroma and a taste that simply can not be explained to anyone unless they have tasted it before. It’s made primarily from brewers yeast with a healthy dose of Vit B1, niacin and thiamine (sp?) thrown in. It’s also quite salty. It’s consistency has been compared to that of peanut butter, but even smooth peanut butter is much thicker.
And you are correct, cheesymite scrolls are just divine (and taste even better when nuked for about 15 – 20 seconds in the microwave to warm them up).
If your local supermarket has an international grocery aisle, you might find a jar in there. But be warned, it is an acquired taste! If you find some and would like advice as to how best to consume it, let me know. (Whatever you do don’t spread it too thickly on a sandwich because it will take your breath away.)
Ohhhh! Is that what my new avvie looks like? I think I’m gonna tire of that real fast.
I liek yer noo ahvvee, thoh!
I like myne tooh.
OMG it’s true! MK is visiting blogs and messboards posing as someone other than herself and making comments about how wonderful she is and what a great couple she and Orly make.
Anners Scribonia is not a very original name to use here though dingo. We all know it’s you. We’d recognise that spelling anywhere!
I’ve just wasted an hour over at Just Jared reading 196 comments including some suggesting that next on the dingo’s agenda is to get preggers.
Good God! I’d better get cracking and have Orly’s Saviours rescue him post haste!
My avvie is positively scary over at Daners’ blog where the avvies on the side bar are so big.
Your avvie has a cute little belly, Anners!
I thawt the bellee wus totill kyootniss. Thayncs 4 wreckugnighzing itc kyootniss.
biche, eyem knot triing to git preggnint!
< oooops…
^
I meen oopz… Eyem knot thuh dingow…
Afers: Vegemite tastes pretty dang – it’s got a very strong flavour but it can good if u know what to mix it with. Cheesymite scrolls are quite tasty.
Joders y u have to leave the rest of us. Me, Daners and Afers could be down at the bar getting drunk of Sangria or something. I might even shave off Miranda’s eyebrows when she is sleeping or something (insert evil laugh).
Oh my god, I couldn’t stop laughing.
me n daners cude curse dingho out in castillian!
i think ill stik w/ my nutella and pb and such… haha not used to savory things in a jar….
Nutella is ephing awesome. Vegemite is very healthy tho – I eat it if I’m being good. Nutella is when I’m being fat (which is most of the time).
I love vegemite. Nutella is too sweet for me. It’s right up there with FlufferNutter (is that what it’s called??) – peanut butter and marshmallow in a jar. I’m turning diabetic just thinking about it.
Ok Janers, I’m working on working you, Afers, Daners and Jenn into my masterpiece. I like the idea of you shaving off one of MK’s eyebrows. Just one. I like the idea of her being assymetrical.
Nutella is the greatest thing man has ever made
Ooh, can I have bigger chesticals?
Where’s part 3, Joders?
This was part 3. Part 4 is called Putting the Plan into Play.
Oh whatevers! Fine. Hurry up with part 4.
Anners, love are you ok? I posted Putting the Plan into Play 2 days ago. Can’t you see it? It starts off with you and me having a beer in the wee hours of the night.
No I’m not okay!
Yeah I just noticed that. I am sleep-deprived, Joders. So pretty much ignore everything I’ve said on this post… clearly I’m on a downward spiral.
Jjkhafkjh! A maid! How ingenious. And dude! I’d make an awesome secret agent.