Here We Go Again – Halfway Done (8)

2 October 2008

11:30am

Almost lunch time and Joders is halfway done.  Having eaten, showered and changed into fresh clothes at Akeelers’ house, Joders feels much better and much more awake.  Which is a good thing.  Even though she’s half way done, there is still a long way to go yet until she can totally unfold her plan.

And so, Joders knocks on her fourth door.  Which is promptly answered by a small person.

Small Person:  Yes?  Can I help you?

Joders:  (smiling)  Is your mum home?

Small Person:  Depends.

Joders:  On what?

Small Person:  What you’re selling.

Joders:  I’m not selling anything.  I just want to see your mum.

Small Person:  You have a funny accent.

Joders:  I guess I do.

Small Person:  There’s no guessing about it.  Your accent is funny.

Joders:  (trying to hide her smile)  So, is your mum home?  Or did she leave you home alone?

Small Person:  My mom would never leave me home alone.  And she also told me never to talk to strangers.

Joders:  I’m not really a stranger.

Small Person:  I don’t know who you are.  So you must be a stranger.

Joders:  I know your name is Midget.  Would a stranger know that?

Midget:  (Regarding Joders shrewdly)  You can find out anything on the internet these days.

Small Person’s Mom:  Honey, who are you talking to?

Midget:  There’s a strange person with a funny accent at the door mom.

Midget’s Mom:  Ohhh, Midget, did you answer the door to an epphin’ Scientologist freak again?

Midget:  No.  But she does kinda look a bit like dad’s mom.

Midget’s Mom:  Oh God!  Joders!  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call you a Scientologist!

Joders:  (laughing)  It’s okay Aliers.  I’m not offended.  I’m not converting to Scientology until next week.

Aliers:  (opening the screen door to let Joders in and to hug her)  What the hell are you doing here?  Hell, you didn’t really come to tell me that you’re converting to Scientology, did you?

Joders:  You’re insane if you think I’m insane enought to convert.  No, my visit is totally unrelated to religion and politics.

Aliers:  Thank God!

Midget:  (tugging at her mother’s arm)  Who is she mom?

Aliers:  Midget this is my friend Joders.  She’s from Australia.  Joders, this is my daughter Midget.

Joders:  Pleased to finally meet you Midget.

Midget:  Pleased to meet you too.  You do look like my dad’s mom.

Joders:  So your mum has mentioned.

Midget:  You’re from Australia?  Do you have a pet kangaroo?  Or a pet koala.

Joders:  No.  I just have a pet dog.

Midget: That’s kinda boring.  I was hoping that you’d have a cool Australian animal for a pet.  Everyone can have a dog.

Aliers:  Honey, why don’t you go and watch a DVD?  I’d like to talk with Joders for a while.

Midget:  I never get to talk to grown ups about grown up stuff.  I’m not a little kid you know.

Aliers throws her daughter a stern look and Midget disappears into the living room without any further argument.  Soon enough the sounds of some kiddy movie or another drifts through the house.

Joders:  She’s a cute kid, Aliers.

Aliers:  She’s good as far as kids go.

Joders:  She reminds me of you.

Aliers:  (smiling) That’s what her father says.  But I’m sure you didn’t come all this way to talk about Midget.  What are you doing here?  It must be good.  Oh my God!  Did you meet Ben Barnes?   No, no, I don’t believe it!

Joders:  No, I didn’t meet Ben Barnes.

Aliers:  (gasping in shock)  Holy Crap!  It was Orlando, wasn’t it?  You met Orlando Bloom!  You lucky bitch!

Joders:  Aliers, if you’d just calm down and take a breath, I could explain what I’m doing here.

Once Joders starts to explain her plan, Aliers falls completely silent.  Only the amazed expression on her face gives away any emotion.

Joders:  So, I’d really like it if you could make it.  Can you?

Aliers:  I can’t believe that you actually need an answer from me.  I can’t believe that you think I might say no.

Joders:  It’s a yes then?

Aliers:  Hell yeah, its a yes!

This plan of Joders’ must be really good if the usually excitable Aliers stopped to take a breath and listen.  So what is it?  When will Joders finally reveal this top secret, secret?  You must be getting impatient by now.  Never mind.  Not long to go.  Hang in there.  All will be revealed in good time.