Here We Go Again – The Phone Call (9)

2 October 2008

1:40pm

Joders is at the airport waiting for her next flight, thinking to herself that it’s a shame she forgot to sign up for frequent flyer points before she started this crazy journey of hers.

She has just enough time before she is called for boarding to make a phone call.  As she dials she hopes that the international roaming she installed on her mobile phone before she left home actually works.  And she wonders how much it will cost to make an international call.  Never mind.  Plenty of time later on to worry about her telephone bill.

Joders listens to the ringing of the phone and waits impatiently for someone to pick up at the other end.

International Person:  (having been roused from a deep sleep)  Lo?  Hello?

Joders:  Hi, is your wife home?

International Person:  Of course she’s home!  Where else would she be at this time?

Joders:  May I speak with her please?

International Person:  Do you know what time it is?

Joders:  Yes, but it’s really important that I speak to her.

International Person:  If it’s important then you can speak with me.

Joders:  Please?  I need to speak with your wife.  I need her help.

International Wife:  Honey?  Who’s calling?

International Husband:  What is your name?

Joders:  Oh, how stupid of me.  It’s Joders.

International Husband:  (to his wife) She says her name is Joders.

International Wife:  Give the phone to me!

Joders hears muffled voices and the sound of the phone switching hands.

International Wife:  I don’t know who you are, but I do want to know why you’re pretending to be Joders!

Joders:  Jaded, it is Joders.

Jaded:  Oh God!  It’s the dingHo!  What have you done to Joders, you cabbage breathed bytch?!  First you take Whorelando and now you’ve done something to poor Joders.  Where is she, you lying, cheating, stealing…

Joders:  Jaded, it IS Joders!  I swear I’m not the dingHo.

Jaded:  How can I be sure?

Joders:  I’m not speaking dingoese.  I’m speaking English.

Jaded:  But Joders always said that spoken dingoese sounds like English spoken with an Australian accent.

Joders:  That’s true.  And who else but Joders would know that?  Joders has a PhD in Linguistics majoring in Dingoese remember?

There is silence as Jaded considers this statement.

Jaded:  Joders, do you realise what the hell time it is here?  It’s 2:45 in the phrickin’ morning!  This had better be good!  Oh no!  Something is wrong isn’t it?  Someone died, didn’t they?  Oh Jesus!  No!  Please tell me that Whorelando…..

Joders:  Jaded, shut up!  If you’d stop talking for just a second I could tell you why I’m calling and you could go back to sleep.

Jaded:  So Whorelando isn’t dead?

Joders:  Well, his eyes are dead and his soul has literally been destroyed, but that’s a whole other story.  I’m not calling about Whorely.  I’m calling because…..

And Joders tells Jaded the reason for her call and Jaded listens in enthralled silence as the plan unfolds.

Joders:  So, can you make it?

Jaded:  (laughing) Just try and keep me away.

Mr Jaded:  (sleepily)  Keep you away from what?

Jaded:  (to her husband)  You hush now.  And go back to sleep.

Joders:  See you soon Jaded.  Sweet dreams.

Joders disconnects and hears the boarding call for first class.  She makes her way forward with some other passengers.

Okay, so this plan must be really important if Jaded is flying in from Europe.  What the hell is it all about?  Will Joders give even a tiny hint any time soon?  Ponder these questions for a little while longer.  Joders has another flight to catch.