Here We Go Again – Trying to Save Whorely (21)

US Election Day – 4 November 2008

For the first few days of November Joders, Anners and Wanda take turns in keeping an eye on Whorely.  Even Jennifer and Daners lend a hand.

The Whorely Trinitas agree that even though each of them wouldn’t mind at least 36 minutes with Whorelando, now is not the time to take advantage.  The girls realise that once the dingHo is out of the picture they have all the time in the world to get to know Whorely.  If you catch my drift.  In the meantime, one slip up might cost Whorelando his freedom and that just isn’t an option.

It is as Election Day dawns that Joders realises she has a problem.  Wanda, Anners, Daners and Jennifer are all out of the office today.  They’ll be casting votes and watching CNN as the votes are counted in the hope that the USA has a brand new President.

Which means Joders has to baby sit Whorelando all day.  And which might be a bit difficult when she has business meetings with colleagues from Australia and Europe.

As Whorelando showers, Joders sits at the dining table reading the newspaper and sipping a cup of tea.  As she ponders her predicament, a plan starts to form in her mind.  A small smile lingers on her lips as Joders reaches for her phone and dials….

Icarus Malfoy:  Icarus Malfoy.

Joders:  Icarus.  I need to call in that favour.

Icarus:  You’re sending Whorelando to New Zealand??

Joders:  Sort of.  No, not really.  Oh bugger!  Icarus, I need you in LA.  I’ll have a ticket waiting for you at the first class counter of Air New Zealand.

Icarus:  Ooooh, maybe I’ll get to fly on the plane with Whorely and Viggo painted on the side?

Joders:  Does that plane still exist? 

Icarus:  Who knows?  Just so long as the dingHo doesn’t get her ugly mug on the side of a plane.

Vy:  Hello, Vy speaking.

Joders:  Hello Vy.  It’s Joders.  I need your help.  I’m sending a car for you right away.

Vy:  Can I vote first?

Joders:  Ok, I’m sending a car for you tomorrow.  After you’ve voted.  After the US has a new President Elect.

Mystic:  Hi, Mystic household, this is Mystic.

Joders:  Mystic, hi.  It’s Joders.  Go vote.

Mystic:  Ummm, Joders, I was planning to.  Is everything okay?  You didn’t just call me to remind me to vote.

Joders:  Sorry Mystic.  Every thing is fine, sort of.  I need a favour.  I need you in LA.  Tomorrow.  There’ll be a first class ticket waiting for you at the airport.

After the flurry of phone calls, Joders sighs contentedly, sips her now luke warm cup of tea and leans back in her chair wearing a satisfied smile on her face.

Whorelando:  Well, don’t you look like the cat who got the cream?

Joders:  I guess I sort of  did.

Whorelando:  (wistfully)  I was hoping that I might be the person to cause you to smile with satisfaction like you’re smiling now.

Joders:  (regarding Whorely from under a raised eyebrow)  Is that so?

Whorelando:  Yes.  But you just won’t let me in.  Oh, uhhmmm, pardon the pun.  And nor will Wanda and Anners.

Joders:  Try not to be too disappointed, sweetcheeks.  We’ve all got other things on our minds just at the moment.  Like keeping you safe from the clutching claws of the dingHo.  And keeping us all alive.  Once we’ve got our hands on that skanky butterfly necklace, then we’ll see what happens.  In the meantime, you’re going to have some visitors.

Whorelando:  Really?  Am I?  Who?  When?

Joders:  Some of the Delphi girls will be here tomorrow.  They’re going to help me take care of you. 

Whorelando:  What about you and Anners and Wanda?  Don’t you want to take care of me anymore?

Joders:  Course we do!  We just need some help.  Wanda is heading back to the East Coast in a few days time and Anners is booked in for an interview with John Frusciante shortly.  Jennifer is heading up to Canada for her interview on the Supernatural set.  And Daners….

Whorelando:  Yeah, I know.  Daners thinks I’m gay.

Joders:  (laughing)  Yes, Daners thinks you’re gay.  But she has some writing to do.  She’s put it off for a few days to help out with keeping an eye on you, but the point I’m making is that we all have other jobs to do other than looking after you.  We all need some help so I’ve called in some reinforcements.

Whorelando:  So who has the pleasure of looking after me today.

Joders:  That my friend, would be me.

Whorelando:  (smiling wickedly)  Is that right?

Joders:  Don’t go getting any funny ideas, mate.  There’ll be plenty of time for funny business once we’ve won the war.

Whorelando:  (pouting)  You seriously are no fun at all Joders.

Joders:  You might want to reserve judgement on that.  And don’t pout, you’ll get wrinkles.

Whorelando:  (sighing)  Maybe if I get old and get wrinkles the dingHo might cancel my contract.

Joders:  Hopefully this will all be well and truly over way before you get old and wrinkly.  (Shuddering involuntarily)  Ewwwww!

Whorelando:  What?

Joders:  You, old and wrinkly.  It doesn’t bear thinking about.

Whorelando:  We’ll all get old and wrinkly Joders.

Joders:  Not me baby!  I’ve got shares in botox.  I think your little girlfriend could use some.  She’s looking way older than she really is.  I guess the stress of trying to stage a showmance can do that to a person.  Or maybe she’s just taking after her mother.

Whorelando:  (stifling a smile)  What’s on our schedule today?

Joders:  At 9:30 I have a phone conference with business associates from Australia and Europe.  You may listen in if you wish, but do not interrupt me.

Whorelando nods obediently.

Joders:  At 11 I have a meeting with my finance team.  You may join me, but do not interrupt me.

Whorelando nods again.

Joders:  I’ll have lunch at 1pm.  You may join me.  I’d prefer you didn’t interrupt me, but I know that you will.

Whorelando nods, then laughs.

Joders:  At 3pm I have a phone conference with the team who will work Blue Star Vineyard.  You may listen in….

Whorelando:  Yes, I know.  But do not interrupt you.

Joders:  Ready for your day at the office, then?

Whorelando follows Joders obediently throughout her business dealings all day.  Over lunch when he is allowed to interrupt her (even though she would prefer that he doesn’t) he even chips in with some half decent business ideas.

Joders:  You’re alright at this stuff, you know?  If the acting stuff doesn’t work out for you, would you like a job with Blue Star Enterprises?

Whorelando:  I would love to work under you Joders.

Joders:  How fortunate for you that I prefer it on top.

By evening it is clear that Barack Obama is the President Elect of the United States of America.  And it is clear that Anners, Wanda, Daners and Jennifer will be having a late night, leaving Joders to entertain Whorely again.

After pizza and a movie and numerous “it’s just like a real date” comments from Whorelando, Joders is well and truly ready for a good nights sleep.

Joders:  Icarus, Vy and Mystic will be arriving tomorrow.  Early.  You should get some sleep too so that you’ve got energy to entertain them when they get here.

Whorelando:  (hopefully)  What sort of entertainment do you think they’ll have in mind?

Joders:  God!  Do you think about anything else?

Whorelando:  Not lately.  It’s been so long.  And you won’t let me have any big busted blondes so a bloke has to try, you know?

Joders:  I’m going to bed.  See you in the morning.

Joders walks down the hallway to her bedroom and Whorelando follows.  Instead of turning into his bedroom, he follows Joders all the way to hers.  It is only when she turns to shut her bedroom door behind her that she realises he is there.  He smiles hopefully at her.

Joders:  Do you ever give up?  Your room is up the hall.  This is my room.  Where I shall sleep in my bed.  By myself.  Goodnight Whorelando.

Joders shuts the door in his face.

Whorelando:  One of these days Joders, you’re going to surprise me.  I just know it.  I can feel it in my bones.  (Wandering up the hallway to his room)  Hopefully I’ll be able to feel in my boner.  Hahaha!  I made a joke!  And it was funny!

5 November 2008

On Wednesday Icarus, Vy and Mystic arrive.  The porters take their luggage to the spare apartment and the girls choose which of the bedrooms they want as their own for their stay in LA.

Joders and Whorelando then take them on a guided tour of the Blue Star building before sitting them down and explaining the small predicament that Whorelando seems to have found himself in.

Joders:  So ladies, for the next little while I’m going to need your help to keep an eye on Pirate Boy over there so that the dingHo doesn’t snatch him away from us in her slobbering jaws.

Whorelando:  (grimacing)  Joders, do you have to be so graphic?

Joders:  (to Whorely)  Sorry sweetcheeks, I’m just sayin’ it how it is.  Now.  I understand that some of you might still find Whorely appealing.  I beg you to be careful.  We don’t rightly know where it’s been.

Whorelando:  Joders!

Icarus:  Ewwwww!  That’s just gross!

Joders:  I’m just sayin’.  Okay, I’m leaving him in your very capable hands, girls.  I have some personal business to attend to today.  (hands Icarus, Vy and Mystic a piece of paper each)  You can contact me on these phone numbers if necessary.  I need to know if you decide to take him outside, so call me first.  Okay, any questions?

Vy:  So we can do whatever we like to keep him amused?

Whorelando:  Ooooh!  Vy!

Vy:  In your dreams pal!

Joders:  As long as you’re not breaking the law, Vy.

Mystic:  How about some indoor entertainment?

Whorelando:  (under his breath)  Maybe I am going to get lucky.

Joders:  I heard that, Bloom.  You just watch yourself mate.  I know everything that happens in this building and I will be down on you like a ton of bricks if you so much as disturb one hair on any of their heads.

Whorelando:  (teasingly)  Joders, down on me?

Joders:  I’ll BE down on you.  Not GO down on you.  You’re hopeless Bloom, you really are.  I give up.  Ladies, he’s all yours.

And with that, Joders excuses herself from the room and leaves Icarus, Vy and Mystic to take care of Whorelando for the day.

So what can possibly go wrong from here?  How much trouble can Whorelando get himself into without the Whorely Trinitas to pull him into line?  And even with the extra reinforcements, will Joders be able to keep Whorely safe from the slobbering jaws of the dingHo?  Stay tuned for the next (and hopefully more timely) episode of Here We Go Again.