Here We Go Again – Ooops! We did it! (22)

5 November 2008 – Late Afternoon

It is late afternoon when Joders is finally finished with her personal business.  She drives her gleaming, black, hybrid Lexus 4 Wheel Drive into the private undergound car park and brings the vehicle to a smooth stop in her private car space.

Today has been an emotionally draining day and although she is tired and hungry, Joders wants to stop off to see how Icarus, Vy and Mystic have gotten on with Whorely.

As she walks along the corridor to the apartment, Joders hears laughter.  Loud, raucous laughter.

Icarus:  No Whorely, you can’t put your hand there!

Vy:  Here Whorely, put your hand here!

Icarus:  Hey, careful!  That’s my bum!

Whorelando:  Sorry Icarus.  What about there?  Is that better?

Mystic:  Yes!  That’s good.  You’re so good at this Whorelando.

Whorelando:  I never knew it was possible to bend myself quite like this girls!  This is amazing!

The closer Joders gets to the apartment door the wider her eyes get and the wider her mouth opens in shock.

Joders:  Phuck, I go away for a few hours and the little bastard has an orgy before I’m even out of the carpark.  Just wait till I get my hands on him.  And the girls!  I thought I could trust them.

Joders takes the door knob in her hand, twists it and throws the apartment door open.  She is totally unprepared for what she sees.

Whorelando is in a state of undress, stripped down to his boxer shorts.  He and the girls are tangled together in a weird puzzle of arms and legs.  Underneath them is the Twister sheet and a few feet away the arrow is pointing to right hand on green circle.

Joders:  (loudly)  What are you doing?

Startled by Joders’ arrival Icarus, Vy, Mystic and Whorelando collapse into a heap on the floor.  Mystic lands conventiently in Whorelando’s lap.

Mystic:  Sorry Whorely.  I didn’t break anything did I?

Whorelando:  No love.  It’s all good.  Hi Joders!

He flashes Joders a brilliant smile that makes her tummy do flip flops.

Joders:  (under her breath)  Don’t fall for it.  Maintain your rage.

Vy:  Pardon Joders?

Joders:  (through gritted teeth)  What are you doing?

Icarus:  Playing Twister.  Want to join in?

Joders:  Why is Whorelando in his underwear?

Mystic:  We’re playing Strip Twister.

Joders:  (in a squeaky voice)  STRIP?!  (Stops to clear her throat)  Hhhmm.  STRIP Twister?

Whorelando:  (winking at Joders conspiratorially and whispering)  I’m letting the girls win.

Joders:  You are such a douche bag!

Whorelando:  (to Vy)  That’s not a good thing, is it?

Vy:  No, it’s not a good thing.

Joders:  I understand that you’re feeling horny, Whorelando.  I do, really.  But you’re leading the girls astray.  Put your clothes back on and get up to my apartment.  I’ll deal with you later.

Whorelando:  Ooooh!  She’s sending me to her apartment and she’ll deal with me later.  Did you finally cave in Joders?  Are you giving in to your carnal needs?  I didn’t think it would be too long before you succumbed to my charms.

Joders:  You will be the one succumbing if you don’t get dressed and get up to my apartment.  NOW!

Whorelando obeys Joders’  orders and leaves Joders to speak with Icarus, Vy and Mystic.

Joders:  I’m sure that you were responsible throughout the rest of the day and I just saw the less than well thought out afternoon activity.  I know you were only having fun, but you need to resist temptation.  And whilst I am very well aware that Whorely will try his best to have his wicked way with you, we all need to concentrate on the job at hand.  Keeping him safe from the dingHo and stealing that ugly butterfly pendant from around her turkey gobbler neck.  Can we all remember that?  Especially you, Mystic.  Landing conveniently in his lap?  That is one of the oldest tricks in the book!

Suitably chastened, Icarus, Vy and Mystic agree to be more aware of Whorelando’s charms and more responsible with the task to which they are assigned.

As Joders leaves their apartment to head to her apartment, they begin packing up Twister.

Back in her apartment, Joders finds Whorelando sitting on the couch waiting for her.

Whorelando:  I’m in trouble, aren’t I?

Joders:  (sighing)  Yes, no, ohhh, I don’t know.  Why must you disappoint me so?

Whorelando:  (in a small voice)  I disappoint you?

Joders:  Yes, you do.  I’m trying so hard to save you.  I’m trying so hard to keep you safe from the dingHo.  I’m trying so hard to get you out of this ridiculous mess you find yourself in.  All I’ve asked from you is to quit the horny teenager antics.  But you can’t seem to do it.  Or is it that you don’t want to do it?  Either way, you’re making it harder for me to save you.  The dingHo is insane.  You’d have to agree with that.  So surely you see that I’m putting myself and my friends in harms way.  Yet they’ve all agreed to this hair brained scheme of mine to save you.  They’ve all agreed to help you even though they know that it has put them in danger.  Do you see how important you are to them?

Whorelando:  What I see is how loyal this group is to you.  They’re doing what they’re doing because YOU asked them to.  You could have asked them to protect a murderer and they would have done it for you.  I’m not important to them.  I stopped being important to them months ago.

Joders:  Believe what you want.  But you’re still important to me.  I won’t give up on you.

Whorelando looks at Joders with an unbelieving expression on his face.

Joders:  Alright,  so maybe I’ve wavered a bit every now and again.  But I won’t give up on you.  I just need a little bit of co-operation from you.  I need you to stop hitting on everyone with two X chromosomes.  Just until this is all over and I’ve saved you.  Do you think you can do that?  Please?

Whorelando:  I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you.  I promise I’ll start behaving myself.  There’s just one thing I need to do first.

Whorelando runs out of Joders’ apartment, takes the stairs 2 at a time to the floor below and knocks on the door of the apartment currently housing Icarus, Vy and Mystic.

Mystic answers the door.

Whorelando:  Mystic.

Mystic:  Yes Whorelando?

Whorelando:  Ever since you fell into my lap this afternoon I knew you wanted me to do this….

Whorelando leans forward and kisses Mystic full on the lips.  He gently slides his tongue between her soft, warm and slightly open lips.  Mystic responds eagerly and tries to stick her hand up his sweatshirt.

Vy:  Mystic!  Stop it!

Mystic and Whorelando pull away from each other and Mystic looks over her shoulder at Vy.

Mystic:  What?!  He started it!  But I really could have done without the tongue….

When Mystic turns back to Whorelando he is halfway up the corridor.

Mystic:  (calling)  Will I get my 36 minutes, Whorelando Bloom?

8 am – Friday 7 November 2008

Joders and Anners are downstairs in the foyer as Anners prepares to leave for her 9am interview with John Frusciante.

Joders:  Got everything?

Anners:  I think so.

Joders:  Digital recorder?

Anners:  Check.

Joders:  Note pad.

Anners:  Check.

Joders:  Pencil?

Anners:  Check.

Joders:  Condoms?

Anners:  Che…., what?!

Joders:  (stooping to pick up the pencil that Anners has dropped in her shock)  Just remember Anners, this is the only pencil that needs any lead in it, okay?

Anners:  What are you suggesting Joders?

Joders:  (ignoring Anners’ question)  And here’s a dictionary for you.

Anners:  Pardon?  Why do I need a dictionary?

Joders:  (completely straight faced)  Just in case you forget the difference between interviewing and intercoursing.  I’ve taken the liberty of marking the relevant pages.

Anners:  Do you honestly think that I intend on shagging John Frusciante?

Joders:  Anners, I don’t THINK you intend on shagging John Frusciante, I KNOW you intend shagging John Frusciante.  Just make sure you get the interview first, okay?

Anners stares at Joders, a dumbfounded expression on her face.

Joders:  Oh, and before I forget, I’ve booked you a suite at the Chateau Marmont with a midday tomorrow check out.  Just in case you decide you’d like to stay in the city overnight.

A small smile plays on Anners’ lips.

Joders:  Off you go then.  It won’t do for John to think you’re unprofessional for arriving late for the intercourse, oh sorry, I mean the interview.  Have fun.  Be careful.  And remember, if you can’t be good, be good at it.

After having seen Anners off, Joders returns to her apartment.  Things will be quiet today.  Anners is gone, Wanda flew home yesterday after a mercy call from Mr R, Jennifer left on a red eye flight to Canada for her interview with Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles and Icarus,Vy and Mystic are just about to leave on a shopping trip that Joders is shouting them to as part of their payment for helping save Whorely.

That just leaves Daners who is writing all day, Joders and Whorelando.

A quiet day is perfect for doing some housework, so Joders heads to the walk in linen closet to grab some fluffy white bathtowels to restock her ensuite. 

As she opens the door of the closet holding an armful of towels, Joders sees Whorelando exit his bedroom with a fluffy white towel slung loosely around his waist.  His hair is wet from the shower.  It seems he is heading towards the closet for another towel to dry his hair.

Whorelando has been living with Joders in her apartment for a week now, but time has not helped her grow used to seeing a semi naked Whorelando walking around the apartment.  In fact, it’s made her lust for him intensify.  Although she has seen his naked butt in the photos from Gran Canaria, it is not his butt that sets her stomach on somersault mode.

Joders gently closes the linen closet door and places her towels back on a shelf.  Then waits.  For Whorelando to open the closet door.  She isn’t disappointed.

 Whorelando:  (gasping in shock)  Joders!  You gave me a fright.  I didn’t expect to find you in the closet.

Joders:  (under her breath)  No, that’s more your scene really.

Whorelando:  What are you doing in here?

Joders:  The same thing as you I expect.  Fetching some clean towels.

Whorelando:  Oh, yes of course.  That makes sense.

Whorelando leans past Joders to grab a towel for his wet hair and then begins to exit the closet.

Joders knows immediately what she has to do.  It might not be the best idea she’s had, but there’s no going back.

Joders:  Um, Whorely, before you go, could you reach up to the top shelf and grab me a few towels?

Whorelando:  Sure, but what’s wrong with the towels on the lower shelves?

Joders:  Nothing, I just like to rotate the towels.

Whorelando shrugs his shoulders and turns his back on Joders to reach to the top shelf.

As soon as Whorelando turns around, Joders shuts the linen closet door, grabs him by the arm and pushes him up against the wall.

Whorelando:  (in a confused voice)  Joders?

Joders:  Remember what I said about quitting the horny teenager antics?

Whorelando:  Ummm, yes.

Joders:  Forget I said it.  Just while we’re in the closet.  And lose the towel.

Whorelando:  What?

Joders:  (gently tugging at the towel around his waist)  Let’s get naked.  Before I change my mind and realise what a huge mistake I’m making.

Whorelando smiles and Joders’ stomach does somersaults again.

Whorelando:  You’re not really an ice maiden, are you?  Despite what you would have me believe.

Joders:  Guess you’re just about to find out, aren’t you?

Some 36 minutes later Joders and Whorelando emerge from the linen closet looking a little dishevelled.

Whorelando:  Bloody hell Joders!  You little minx!

Joders:  Pardon?  I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Whorelando:  Yes you do.  In the closet.  You and I?  Your legs around my….

Joders:  I don’t know what YOU think happened in there.  I went in to get some towels for my ensuite.

Whorelando:  (sounding confused)  I don’t understand.

Joders:  It didn’t happen.  Nothing happened.  No one needs to know.  Now do you understand?

Whorelando needs to think about this for a moment, but suddenly clarity flashes through his eyes.

Whorelando:  Ohhhh!  Yes, I understand perfectly.  That was a very pleasant dream I had last night.

Joders:  (smiling)  Yes, a very pleasant dream.  Oh, and Whorelando?

Whorelando:  (sounding hopeful)  Yes Joders?

Joders:  (standing on tip toes, leaning in close and speaking softly into his ear)  You have such soft lips.  And such a firm tongue.  See you tonight.

Joders leaves Whorelando standing in the middle of the hallway and walks into her bedroom holding an armful of thick, soft, white, fluffy bath towels.

Whorelando:  (breathlessly)  Oh bollocks.  I have to go into the closet again.

So Joders has had her wicked way with Whorelando.  When will the other girls get their turn?  What exactly does a firm tongue have to do with anything?  And what did Joders mean by “see you tonight”?  You should probably tune in to the next episode of Here We Go Again to see what Joders has cooked up.