Here We Go Again – Tales of Test Drives and Tourists (29)

17 November 2008 – 9am

Daners:  Well, that’s a fine way to greet a friend!

Joders:  Daners!  You made it!

Daners:  You know I always wanted to go to Russia.  When you told me that’s where you were headed next and asked me to join you guys, there’s no way I wasn’t coming!

Anners and Wanda:  Daners!  I missed you!

Anners, Wanda and Daners hug each other excitedly.

Joders:  Okay guys, there’ll be plenty of time for celebrating later on.  We need to collect our luggage and check into the hotel.  (To Daners)  Did you get us all into the hotel I asked about?

Daners:  (smiling)  I did.  It’s spectacular Joders.  Just wait till you guys see it.

Mystic:  What hotel are we booked in to?

Joders:  The Hotel Baltschug Kempinski.

Slapparr:  Means absolutely nothing to me, what so ever.

Joders:  That might just be my pronunciation.  I don’t speak Russian very well.

The rest of the group look at Joders from under a collective raised eyebrow.

Joders:  Okay, I don’t speak Russian at all.

Viggo:  I think you’re all going to like it.

Joders:  And as I was saying, we need to get our luggage, check in to the hotel and then get started on the days activities.  What have you got planned for us, Daners?

Daners:  There’s lots of sight seeing.  The Kremlin, the Winter Palace.  I thought momentarily about a tour to see Lenin’s Mausoleum.  But the lines are huge and it takes 4 hours just to get in the door.  Besides, it’s a bit gross if you ask me.  Who wants to see a dead guy?  Ewwwww!  But there’s plenty of stuff to do.  And Whorelando has got his LandDrover test drive later on as well.

Whorelando:  Ooooh!  I’m so excited!  I almost forgot about the test drive.

Viggo:  I suppose it’s difficult to remember when all the blood is pooled in the wrong head.

Whorelando:  You’re a fine one to talk, smart arse.

Viggo laughs, hooks his arm around Whorelando’s neck and steers him in the direction of the luggage carousel.

Joders:  Where’s Jennifer?  Couldn’t she make it?

Daners:  Wellllll, it was more a matter of she didn’t want to be disturbed.  You know she’s been in Canada on the Supernatural Set  for God only knows how long?

Wanda:  She’s not back yet?!

Daners:  Nope.  And it doesn’t look like she’s coming back any time soon.  Man, she’s having the time of her life!  And the Supernatural boys, well let’s just say they’re having a pretty good time too!

As the group approach the luggage carousel, Jaded falls into step next to Joders.

Jaded:  Joders?

Joders:  Yeah?

Jaded:  Do you think, ummmm, well I was wondering if, errrmm, look, I’d really like to…..

Joders:  Bloody hell Jaded!  Are you okay?  I’ve never seen you so, ummm, errmmmm, ohhhh, shy before.

Jaded:  It’s just that I feel so stupid for asking.

Joders:  Asking what?

Jaded:  I was hoping I could….

Joders:  For the love of God, Jaded, will you pleeeeeease just ask your question?

Jaded:  (quickly)  I want to go on the test drive with Whorely this afternoon.

Joders:  Ha!  Hahaha!  Hahahahahahhaa!

Jaded:  What’s so funny?

Joders:  That was such a simple question.

Jaded:  (mumbling)  I was worried you wouldn’t let me go.

Joders:  He’s gonna want to shag you, you know.

Jaded:  What?

Joders:  He’s slowly working his way through the whole group.  (Smiling)  Well, maybe not Viggo.  Anyway, who I am to stand in the way of you getting your turn?  Just try to make sure he gets back in one piece.  I don’t want to be called to the scene of an upside down 4 Wheel Drive with two naked people inside.  I’ve got no idea how I’d explain that to the press.

Jaded:  Ummm, Joders?  I’d be more worried about explaining it to my husband if I was you.

Joders:  Good point.

Once they have all hoisted their bags from the luggage carousel, Joders looks out for the drivers that have been arranged to pick them up and take them to their hotel.  She finally spots two tall young men dressed in dark suits, one of them holding a sign that says BLUE STAR ENTERPRISES.

The group, divided in half, climbs into the vehicles driven by Ilya and Dimitry and sits back to relax on the journey to the hotel.  Once there, Ilya and Dimitry expertly lift the luggage out of the cars and hand it on to the porters.

Joders and her entourage enter the lobby of the hotel and Joders goes ahead to complete their check in, with the help of Viggo who speaks Russian.

They return to the others and Joders begins to hand out the electronic keys to their hotel rooms.

Whoreland0 waits expectantly and is disappointed when he doesn’t get a key.

Whorelando:  Where’s mine?

Joders:  You don’t get one.

Whorelando:  Why not?  Everybody else got one.

Joders:  You don’t get your own hotel room.

Whorelando:  What?!  Why not?  Everybody else got one.

Joders:  Incase you’ve forgotten, we’re trying to keep you safe from the dingHo’s slavering jaws.  Someone needs to keep an eye on you.

Whorelando:  Who?

Joders:  Wanda has volunteered.

Whorelando glances at Wanda from under a raised eyebrow, but she doesn’t notice.  She’s busy having a conversation with Viggo.

Joders:  Go easy, mate.  Wanda might not be interested in her 36 minutes.

Whorelando:  (gasping in disbelief)  I cannot believe you’d say that.

Joders:  Anners wants a medical certificate, doesn’t she?

Whorelando:  (gasping in disbelief again)  Who told you that?

Joders:  No one has to tell me anything, Whorelando.  I know everything.

Whorelando:  (doubt in his voice)  Oh come on!  Everything, Joders?

Joders:  Except the winning lottery numbers.  But I don’t need those anymore.

The porters have already taken all the luggage upstairs to their suites, so there is nothing else for the group of travellers to do but follow them and check out the luxury of their rooms.

Daners:  We’ll all meet back down in the lobby in half an hour guys, okay?  And make sure you’re wearing your walking shoes.

Joders follows the group along the hallway of the 7th floor of the hotel, listening to their excited chatter.  She smiles serenely to herself and feels satisfied at the way things have turned out.  The Whorely Trinitas have Whorelando and all they need to do now is to erradicate the dingHo.

Joders:  (to herself)  How hard can that be?  She’s as dumb as a stick so it should be like taking candy from a baby.

All along the hallway, the weary travellers swipe their electronic room keys and let themselves in to their suites.

Wanda:  Not now Whorelando.  We have to be downstairs in less than 30 minutes to go sightseeing.  I want my whole 36 minutes.

Whorelando:  Ohhhh, come on Wanda!  Be a sport…..

Joders smiles at this exchange as she lets herself in to her room where she faces a much more important problem.  Which the hell suitcase did she pack her runners in?

 Hotel Lobby – 10:20am

By 10:20am everyone but Daners is assembled in the lobby.  Since Daners is acting as tour guide, the rest of the group is at a loss until she arrives.  A few minutes later Daners joins the group, carrying 2 heavy shopping bags.

Daners:  We won’t be stopping for lunch until 1:30 today guys so I’ve got fruit juice, bananas and yoghurt.  We need to keep our strength up for sightseeing.  If you start eating now and we walk at a leisurely pace you’ll be finished by the time we get to the Winter Palace.  Can’t take food inside.

Whorelando:  Bananas?  I’d have preferred banana cake or banana bread rather than actual bananas.

Daners:  Sure, banana cake coming right up.  I’ll just need to stick it up your ass to bake for 60 minutes.  Just eat the damn fruit!

Anners:  (clutching a banana in one hand and a bottle of juice in the other)  I can’t wait to get to the Winter Palace.  I want to see how the architecture has been restored.  The Jordan Staircase is supposed to be beautiful.

Viggo:  (to Anners)  You like architecture?

Anners:  (excitedly)  Very much.  And when it has historical significance, it’s even better!  Though of course, Russian history is not my period of choice.

Viggo:  I understand some of the rooms on the first floor have been restored to what they were like during imperial times.  Including Catherine the Great’s private chambers.

Anners:  I wonder does her private chambers have a big old tall canopy bed?

Viggo:  We might have to check it out for ourselves.

Daners:  If the two of you are finished waxing lyrical about architecture, perhaps we can get going and then we can all check it our for ourselves.

As the travellers begin their walking tour, Joders falls in next to Daners.

Joders:  Thank you for organising this, Daners.  I really appreciate it.

Daners:  No sweat.  Besides, I think you’re forgetting that you did a whole heap for me.  Without you I’d still be sitting in that stinkin’ patrol car.

Joders:  This is the sort of stuff friends do for each other, Daners.

Daners:  You look tired?  Are you okay?

Joders:  Yeah, but I am tired.  I thought this whole looking after Whorely thing would be a piece of cake.  I thought it would be fun.  But it’s hard bloody work.  The stupid great galah keeps on undoing all the good work we’ve done to keep him safe.  I mean look at him!  The bloody great buffoon!

Daners and Joders look over towards Whorelando who is walking along the street, eating his banana without a care in the world and checking out the attractive Russian women that hurry by, not giving him a second glance.

Joders:  (calling to him)  Whorelando!

Whorelando:  (turning his head momentarily towards Joders)  Hmmmm?

Joders:  Look out for the…..

Whorelando walks directly into a lamp post.

Joders:  (feebly)  lamp post.

Whorelando:  (from his supine position on the ground)  You could have warned me Joders.  Oh God!  My nose!

Mystic:  (standing over the top of him and looking down)  Your nose is fine.  Well, maybe just a little off kilter.

Whorelando:  (in a panicked tone)  Off kilter!

Slapparr:  (also standing over the top of Whorelando and looking down at him)  Actually, it’s kind of smooshed to one side.

Whorelando:  Oh my God!  My nose!  I’ll never work again.  My face is my fortune.

Viggo:  (holding a hand out to Whorelando)  Get up you moron.  Your nose is fine.  (in a falsetto voice)  My face is my fortune!  (back to his normal voice)  God, listen to yourself!

Whorelando:  (brushing himself off)  Pretty soon I won’t even be able to bank on my face.  Everything else seems have been sucked out of me.

Wanda:  (under her breath)  That’s even if it was there to start with.

Anners:  (smiling for having heard Wanda)  That’s what happens when you stand too close to a vacuum.

Joders turns back to Daners.

Joders:  I really wish you’d have packed me a vegemite sandwich.

Daners:  I tried to get the vegemite in, but they confiscated it at customs.

Before Joders and her entourage realise, they are standing before the majesty that is The Winter Palace.

For a moment the group of nine stand in front of the building, heads tilted back, taking in the view.

Jaded:  Well, it looks impressive from outside, but I didn’t come all the way here to admire the paintwork.  Let’s go inside.

Jaded leads the way inside the Palace.  It is cool inside.  The whole place appears made from marble.  And gilded in gold.

Joders looks up towards the ceiling of the palace.

Joders:  (To herself)  So many different art forms in the one place.  The frieze reminds me of the Parthenon and the ceiling is Michelangelo-esque.  Weird.

Whorelando sidles over to stand next to Joders and also raises is head to view the ceiling.

Whorelando:  What’s the name of that guy who painted the roof of the Cistern Chapel?

Joders:  The Sistine Chapel, and his name was Michelangelo.

Whorelando:  Joders, I think you’re a bit confused.  Michelangelo was a Ninja Turtle. 

Joders:  Oh, sorry.  My mistake.  It must have been Mick Jagger then.

Whorelando:  (sighing)  Now you’re just being silly Joders.

Joders:  Yeah, you’re right Whorelando.  I can’t recall a time in my life when I’ve ever done anything stupider.

Whorelando:  What’s that supposed to mean?

When Joders lowers her head, the rest of the group is halfway up the Jordan Staircase.

Joders:  Nothing.  Come on, we’re being left behind.

Joders and Whorelando hurry to follow the others up the staircase and catch up as they take a right turn at the top of the stairs where they are faced with dozens of rooms and hallways to explore.

The group makes their way through the Formal Sitting Room, the Drawing Room, the Dining Room, the Ballroom, the Library and any number of Sleeping Chambers before they finally find themselves upon the Private Chambers of Catherine the Great.

It has been fully restored to it’s original grandeur complete with woollen rugs, sumptuous velvet drapes, silken bedclothes, finely polished timber furniture and ornately carved posts on the canopy bed.  There is even a porcelain chamber pot tucked under the edge of the bed.

Out of the corner of her eye Joders catches Viggo and Anners glancing at each other and then glancing towards the bed.

The group slowly files out of the Private Chamber and makes it’s way back down the hallway.  Partway along the hall, Joders looks back over her shoulder and sees Viggo and Anners looking out of the doorway before ducking back inside and closing the door after themselves.

Joders sees a sign hanging on another door so she grabs it, hurries back to Catherine the Great’s Chamber and hangs it on the closed door.  As she does so, she hears soft laughter from within.  Smiling to herself, she walks away, in search of the Library, wanting to check out what sort of literature Catherine the Great and other Russian Royals preferred.

Behind her another group of tourists pause momentarily outside of the chamber door.

Male Tourist:  Damn!  I really wanted to see inside Catherine the Great’s boudoir.

Female Tourist:  Yeah!  No one said it’d be closed today.

The tour guide bustles to the front of the tour group and inspects the sign:  Closed for Maintenance.  Do Not Enter.

Tour Guide:  Sorry guys.  We can’t go in now.  Why don’t we head for Lenin’s Mausoleum and then once we’ve finished there, we can swing by the Winter Palace again.  It’ll probably be opened this afternoon.

After much grumbling and discontent, the tour group finally moves on, oblivious to the sounds coming from behind the closed door. 

After the library, Joders heads up to the second floor which is not as architecturally dramatic as the first floor however it houses some of the most beautiful artwork by some of the most important of the French artists.

Her group is crowded at one of the windows through which Palace Square and the Alexander Column can be seen.  Except Whorelando.  He is running from one painting to another, gasping as he reads the information plaques under each of the pieces of art.

Whorelando:  Joders!  Oh my God!  You have to see this!

Whorelando grabs Joders by the hand and leads her towards the paintings he has been swooning over.

Whorelando:  It’s like an art gallery in here.  It’s bloody fantastic.  Look!  There’s stuff here by Monny and Manny!

Joders:  (looking confused)  Ummm, who?

Whorelando:  Monny and Manny!  Only two of the most famous Impression painters.

Joders:   (realisation dawning)  Ohhhhhh!  You mean Monet and Manet!

Whorelando:  Your French is as bad as your Russian, Joders.  And look, here’s Dee-gas and Pissyrow.  Aaaaand even more exciting, Suzanne and Gaygan.

Whorelando looks at Joders, waiting for a sign of recognition.

Whorelando:  (sighing)  The Post Impression painters?

Joders:  Right!  Cezanne and Gauguin.  Got it!

Whorelando:  (shaking his head)  You need to sign yourself up for some art history classes, Joders.  You might learn something.

Joders:  (under her breath)  I should sign up for something, alright.  Maybe an appointment with a shrink.  I sure as hell need my head read.

Whorelando:  And you really need to stop mumbling to yourself.  You’re starting to worry me.

Joders:  Why don’t we get back to looking at the art?  Look, there’s a Renoir, ummm, sorry, Rennoyer.  Isn’t it beautiful?

Whorelando:  See?!  Now you’re getting it!  God, this is so exciting!

Whorelando leaves Joders standing in front of the Renoir and rushes across the room to the rest of the group where he tries to interest them in the paintings he has shown to Joders.

Mystic:  I’ve already seen them Whorelando.  You already showed me.

Whorelando:  Jaded?

Jaded:  Me too.

Whorelando:  (frowning a little)  Where’s Anners?  And Viggo?  They haven’t seen this stuff.

Whorelando looks around the gallery trying to spot Anners and Viggo.  To no avail.

Whorelando:  So where are they?

Wanda:  Last I saw them was in Catherine the Great’s Boudoir.  Haven’t seen them since.

Whorelando:  Cool!  Thanks Wanda.

Whorelando hurries out of the room and down the stairs, heading towards Catherine the Great’s bedroom.

Slapparr stands beside Joders and the girls regard the Renoir, their heads slanted on the same angle.

Slapparr:  Pretty impressive, huh?

Joders:  That’s pretty funny Slapparr.

Slapparr:  Huh?

Joders:  Sorry, just a bad Whorelando joke.  Speaking of Whorelando, where is he?

Daners:  I think I heard him say he was going back to Catherine the Great’s Boudoir to find Anners and Viggo.

Joders:  Oh, okay….. Holy Crap!

Joders turns on her heels and dashes from the room, heading towards the stairs, hoping to catch Whorelando before it’s too late.

As she rounds the corner at the head of the hallway, Joders sees Whorelando throw open the door of Catherine the Great’s bedroom, ignoring the Do Not Enter sign.

Whorelando throws open the door and starts into the room.

Whorelando:  Anners….., oh no!

Whorelando stops short, shocked by what he sees.  He has caught Anners and Viggo in the throes of passion.  They are completely oblivious to his presence.  He gasps in shock, clutches at his chest and tries to back out of the room.  He trips over a rug on the floor and stumbles backwards out of the room, crashing into the wall behind him on the opposite side of the hallway.

He turns his head right and left, looking wild eyed, pushes himself away from the wall and stumbles down the hallway to the Jordan staircase.  He makes it halfway down before he collapses into a seated position on one of the steps and buries his head in his hands.

Joders finds him on the stairs and sits down next to him, putting her arm around his shoulders.

Joders:  (gently)  Whorely?

Whorelando:  (gasping)  I can’t believe it!  Oh God!  Anners and Viggo.

Joders:  You’ve had quite a shock, haven’t you?

Whorelando:  How could they?  How could Viggo do this to me?  I was supposed to shag Anners.

Joders:  Well, it’s not like Anners is your particular property.  And nor am I.  I shagged Viggo yestereday.

Whorelando:  Joders!  No!  Not you too?  My life is over!

Joders:  Look, like I said.  We’re not married.  There’s no contract.  Not between us and you, anyway.  We’re all free to shag whomever we wish.  You don’t need to feel jealous or upset.  Imagine if us girls felt like that.  We’d all be ready to kill each other since you’re doing your level best to shag all of us.

Whorelando:  (looking at Joders, his face streaked with tears)  How did you know that?

Joders:  I might look sweet and innocent, but I’m not dumb.  I know you’re shocked.  Really, I do.  But it’s not the end of the world.  I promise.  Come on.  Let’s get up.  We need to have lunch and get you ready for your test drive, (smiling knowingly), with Jaded.

Whorelando:  (smiling)  You always know the right stuff to say, Joders.  Thank you.

Joders:  Maybe you should save your thanks for after I’ve saved you once and for all.

Joders stands up and offers her hand to the still seated Whorelando.

Joders:  (helping Whorelando to his feet)  Holy Moses!  Maybe you should skip lunch.

Whorelando:  Funny, Joders!

Joders reaches into her pocket and pulls out a crumpled tissue.  She hands it to Whorelando.

Joders:  It’s crumpled, but it’s clean.  You should dry your eyes.  You big wuss.

Whorelando:  (starting to cry again)  You’re always so nice to me.

Joders:  Clearly you don’t know me very well. 

Whorelando:  (looking downhearted)  I think I know you better than you think, Joders.

Joders:  (reaching up with the tissue)  Here, let me wipe your eyes.  Before everyone gets back.  But you’re still a big wuss.

20 minutes later the travel group is sitting in a local cafe enjoying lunch.  Whorelando is still a little red eyed.

Wanda:  (to Joders)  What’s wrong with Whorely?  He looks like he’s been crying.

Joders:  He has.  He busted in on Viggo and Anners shagging back at the Winter Palace.  He was a bit, shocked, shall we say?  And then I told him that I’d shagged Viggo too.  I think he thought he was the only person that the Whorely Trinitas would disrobe for.  (looking at Wanda)  You haven’t shagged Viggo have you?

Wanda:  Not yet.

Joders:  Wanda!

Wanda:  What?  I’m only human you know.  And I’m also strangely aroused by Whorely’s vulnerability.  How weird is that?

Joders:  I know what you’re thinking, Wanda Rizzuto.  Be gentle with him, okay?

The whole group accompanies Whorelando and Jaded to the LandRover Event.  Jaded introduces herself as Whorelando’s interpreter and launches into an animated conversation in Russian with the organisers of the event.

Mystic:  What’s going on?  I can’t understand a word anybody is saying.

Joders:  Your guess is as good as mine, Mystic.  All I can understand in the whole conversation so far is Whorelando and LandRover.

Daners joins Mystic and Joders.  She has been listening to Jaded’s conversation as well.

Daners:  Jaded is trying to convince the organisers of the event that she will accompany Whorlando on the test drive.  They insist on sending one of their representatives instead because they’re worried that Jaded and Whorelando with bugger off with the car.

Joders approaches Jaded and speaks to her in hushed tones.

Jaded resumes her conversation with the organisers and this time Joders understands the name of her company and her own name.

Organiser 1:  Blue Star Enterprises!

Organiser 2:  Joders!

Before long Jaded is signing the documentation necessary to allow her to get behind the steering wheel of the four wheel drive.

Joders:  So what did I just agree to, Jaded?

Jaded:  (smiling)  To be full financial responsibility in the event of the theft of or damage to the vehicle.  They’re very excited to be involved with Blue Star Enterprises.

Whorelando:  But I wanted to drive, Jaded.

Jaded:  (quietly to Whorelando)  I’ll drive out of the city.  Once we get into the country areas, you can take over.  There will be plenty of pot holes and hills and rocks to drive over.

Whorelando:  Fantastic!  I can’t wait!

As Jaded and Whorelando climb into the car, Joders and the rest of the group continue on their sight seeing mission, now heading for the Kremlin.

Meanwhile Jaded and Whorelando set off on their test drive adventure.  Before long, they are out of the city.  True to her word, Jaded pulls the car over to the side of the road and the two of them swap seats.  With Whorelando in the drivers seat, they drive off along the country road, through the picturesque fields.

Up ahead, Whorelando sees a track winding up a hill.  He gently steers the car off the road and towards the track.

Whorelando:  Let’s see exactly what this baby can do!

The track is full of potholes and rocks jut out of the ground at odd angles.  Thankfully the car has great suspension.

Whorelando brings the vehicle to a halt at the top of the hill and kills the engine.  He looks particularly pleased with himself and Jaded tells him so.

Jaded:  You look particularly pleased with yourself.

Whorelando:  (smiling)  I love this LandRover.  I want one.  Just like this!  I’ve had such a great time this afternoon.  I feel more alive than I have in months.  Thanks for coming with me Jaded.

Jaded:  (looking at Whorelando)  I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.  I’ve been looking forward to being alone with you all day.

Whorelando:  (regarding Jaded from under one raised eyebrow)  Is that so?

Jaded:  So we might as well make use of the peace and quiet, don’t you think?

Jaded reaches towards Whorelando and pulls his grey cable knit sweater off over his head.

Whorelando:  Didn’t really need that sweater anyway, did I?

Within no time flat, they are in various states of undress and Jaded has positioned herself in his lap.

Jaded:  Ouch, the steering wheel is sticking into my back!

Whorelando:  (reaching for a lever at the side of the drivers seat)  Maybe if I move the seat back a bit?

The seat flings back with a force greater than either of them anticipate, causing much raucous laughter and some repositioning.

Jaded:  What about the back rest?  Will that recline any further?

Whorelando:  (reaching for the other lever)  I think so.  Let’s try.

The back rest drops back suddenly.  Whorelando collapses backwards and Jaded, who was leaning against him for support, almost ends up in the back seat, causing more raucous laughter.  Whorelando adjusts the back rest to a more suitable recline and the couple get busy fogging up the windows.

Preoccupied as they are with the matter at hand, neither Jaded nor Whorelando realise at first that in her excitement, Jaded has accidently kicked the car out of Park and into gear.  Whorelando has failed to pull the hand brake on and the momentum of the rocking vehicle causes it to move towards the decline of the hill.  The vehicle moves slowly at first, but then picks up speed and begins bouncing gently over the pot holes and rocks on the way down the hill.

Whorelando feels the cool air rushing in the open window and looks over Jaded’s shoulder to see the car on a steep decline down the hill.

He raises his arms in the air and starts screaming like he’s on a roller coaster.

Jaded:  What?  Already??

Whorelando:  Nooooo!  The bloody car is driving itself down the hill!

Jaded twists around in his lap and sees with horror that the car is heading down the hill and straight towards the road.  On the other side of the road is a cliff that drops down a good 10 metres.  All Jaded can see in her mind is Joders trying to explain to her husband why she was found naked and upside down in a four wheel drive with Whorelando.

Jaded:  Shiiiiittt!!

Jaded bends backwards, away from Whorelando and towards the hand brake.  It is possibly the most awkward position she has found herself in.

Whorelando:  Oooouucch!  Jaded, be careful.  You’re breaking my oui oui!

Jaded:  Better a broken oui oui in a cute little cast than your body broken into a hundred pieces and no sex for six months while you mend.

Whorelando:  Good point.  Pull on that hand brake!

Jaded:  I think pulling on the hand brake is what got us into trouble in the first place, Whorely!

Whorelando:  Ooooh, Jaded, I love it when you speak in innuendo!

Jaded reaches desperately for the hand brake as the car screeches down the hill.

Jaded:  I can’t reach it!  You’ll have to move the seat forward again!

As Whorelando leans forward to try to reach the lever on the side of the drivers seat, the car hits a huge rock and launches up into the air.

Is this the last we’ll see of Jaded and Whorelando?  Is the four wheel drive going to drop over the edge of the cliff, taking Jaded and Whorelando with it?  Will Joders have to shell out for the cost of a brand new LandRover?  And how the hell will she explain a naked Whorelando and a naked Jaded, upside down in a car in a ditch to Jaded’s husband?

Stay tuned for the next episode (which hopefully won’t be so long in the making) of Here We Go Again to have all your questions answered.